Developing Integrity and Honesty, or What if They Cheat??

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching."

Some of the most valuable and life-changing learning experiences in The 100 Mile Club occur when a student is challenged by his own sense of what is right and wrong.

So you catch a student who has been less than honest about his/her miles...what to do? Well, first, stop. Don't flip out. Take a deep breath and ask yourself *why* he/she may be exhibiting this sort of behavior. Nobody WANTS to cheat. I believe that wholeheartedly. Some confessions I have received over the years:

The Noble Cheater: AKA "But I was just trying to help...The best example of this is the boy whose grandmother was flying in from Egypt and he wanted to have his shirt when he met her at the airport. This was a rough one, because his good friend loaned him some lap sticks with a promise that he would "pay her back" the following week. This was a rough one. We sat the two down and explained that although we appreciated the thoughtfullness and teamwork, what they did was, in fact, cheating...and was quite dishonest. We had the boy return his "dishonest" sticks to his good friend, we all had a little chat, shed a few tears together, and then we gave him time to complete his laps before the plane arrived.

The superacademic overachiever who simply could NOT STAND that someone was actually "beating" him at something school-related! We reminded him that this race was only against himself and that he needs to refrain from comparing himself to others. This was not easy for him to hear. We readjusted his miles, shed a few tears (see a pattern?), and we coached him through the year, helping him recognize his own personal successes. Yes, he did make it to 100 miles, but this was one of the hardest things he had ever done at school.

The Blatantly Over-the-Top Exaggerator of Miles. This sweet child reported in an outrageous number of miles after a 10 minute jog with is class... Well, after we all looked at him with total confusion, I simply wrote down a reasonable amount, pulled him aside and kindly pretended that he didnt know how to count laps (maybe he did, maybe he didn't...it wasn't my place to judge). I retaught him, reminded him about being honest, and to ask me if he was ever unsure of how to count his miles.

So.

What should you do if you face a student with a less-than-honest tendency?

Take the student aside and ask him/her without judgement. You can say something like, I'm not sure that you have been wholly honest about your miles, and I want to help you so that when you earn your milestines it will feel really good and RIGHT. Remind them about the lifeskills of HONESTY and INTEGRITY and let them know that if they earn a milestone by being dishonest, they will know in their hearts that they cheated...it will feel bad.

Usually they will tell you what's going on and at that point, you help them get back on track, adjusting their miles accordingly. Do this quietly but deliberately. Don't impart punishment by not allowing them to run...they want to please you and themselves by showing you that they CAN do it right. Let them prove themselves to you.

Maintain and preserve your student's dignity, but don't let him/her "get away with" continuing the behavior. Kids know when you care and they really do love being held to a high standard. Same with 100 Mile Club. Some kids just have to test the waters. Hold fast to your standard, all the while providing the love and support necessary for a child to feel true personal success. They'll figure it out...

...and so will you. The fact that you are allowing your students to experience this journey means that you "get it". Trust yourself, refer to your PYRAMID OF SUCCESS when you get confused about what to do. It works every time.